Also by Stephen Hawking (author of "A Brief History of Time," "A Briefer History of Time," and "The Universe in a Nutshell")

"A Concise Summary of Time"

"A Quick Recap of Time"

"String Theory on a Bumper Sticker"

"The Wess-Zumino-Witten model of Quantum Field Theory in a Fortune Cookie"

"The Schrödinger Equation on a Candy Heart"

"Time.ppt"

Ode To Travelling

***10 things I miss about my vacation***

10. Flat land - so I could walk everywhere.

9. Public Toilets (or the ability to pay any restaurant to use one)

8. afternoon snack of Simit (like a pretzel, but round, crunchier, and coated with sesame seeds ... often served sliced with some sheeps milk cheese in the middle, like a sandwich) and Camlica Gazoz (Turkish lemon soda)

7. Vlamese Frite Stands

6. Dinner at 10 pm

5. Being the "exotic" one

4. Fresh Crusty French Bread - If you've never been to France, you truly have NO idea.

3. Cheap Local Wines by the half carafe

2. Turkish Baths

1. Coffeeshops (the brown kind) - I'm going to do it anyway, you might as well let me be civilized about it.


***Things I don't miss***

- Squating over a hole in the ground to pee

- The "Hey Lady!" litany of Sultanahmet

- The strays

- European 2-star accomdations

- paying 10 euros for a cocktail

Profound Unanswered Questions That Are Also Song Titles

"What becomes of the brokenhearted?"

"What if God was one of us?"

20 points on why I should just go home today

1. I don't feel well (granted, I usually don't this time of day so that's not a huge stretch, but still...)
2. There are movies I need to watch and return to Netflix.
3. My cat needs me.
4. This place stifles my creative energy and makes me feel trapped in a cage.
5. The bed is at home, waiting for me.
6. It's been too long since I've pleasured myself. Seriously.
   
7. There are snacks at home.
8. There are piles upon piles of laundry to do (and really, laundry is better to do during the day, isn't it?)
9. There are bills to pay (oh, they don't get paid if I don't work? Shit.)
10. It's okay for me to be inebriated if I'm not here. Just sayin.
    
11. I forgot my lunch and no one can cover for me to go get one.
12. Alright... I just don't like the lunch that I brought, shutup.
13. Dude, I just need to be alone and think about stuff.
14. You wouldn't miss me.
15. Just look at these circles under my eyes!
16. I don't give you shit when you wanna go home (well, not to your face at least.)
17. I have no idea what's going on on daytime television these days.
18. Did I mention there are snacks at home? And beverages?
    
19. I need to clean the house and come on, I shouldn't have to do that "on my own time."
20. Look at this. Look at what this boredom has led me to!
    

10 Things That Make My Taste Buds Wanna Holla (Ranked lowest to highest)

10. A Sabretts hot dog dressed with mustard and relish

9. Nehi Orange soda

8. Green Apple flavored chewing gum (Extra)

7. Snickers (It really does satisfy!)

6. Chocolate pudding smothered lovingly with whipped cream

5. Kraft Macaroni & Cheese (It's the cheesiest!)

4. Hidden Valley Ranch dressing

3. Popeyes fried chicken (Love that chicken from.....)

2. Deep, wet, kisses, directly after consuming peppermint
candy
1. Cinnamon oil licked off of the body of a lover

Celebrities I Have Met

Ozzy Osbourne (backstage)
The Fixx (remember them? post-show party. woohoo!)
Bryan Adams (high school buddy)
Chastity Bono (waited on her and her very friendly girlfriend)
Don Johnson (waited on him and his teenage fucktoy)
Peter Tork (waited on him... alone and Monkeeless, but with a great sense of humor)
John Turturro (waited on him and his wife)
Robert Crumb & Terry Zwigoff (waited on them... what is the sound of two introverts dining?)
Motorhead (I was one of their crowd handlers during a record store appearance)
Pierre Trudeau (on a surfing trip)

Relief for high oil costs: The President's Checklist

Make empty gesture of temporarily deferring additions to the Strategic Petrolum Reserve.

Repeal $2 billion in tax cuts on the oil industry. (Leave other $10 billion in tax cuts alone.)

Make sure you say "we're a nation addicted to foreign oil," not just "we're addicted to oil."

Blame Democratic administration for not opening up the Arctic National Wildlife Reserve to oil drilling ten years ago .

Ease environmental requirements for refiners.

Say nothing about Iraq.

Or Iran.

Or Karl Rove.

Make "thumbs up" gesture.

Go for bike ride.